responsibility.

i took a break from school this year. i have my bachelor's degree, but i took a break before jumping into grad school. the last nine months or so have had many personal highs and lows. overall, i think getting older is both awesome and the biggest hoax ever at the same time. paying bills does not get better with age. being taken more seriously and being exposed to new ideas is the awesome part.

i have been spending a considerable amount of my time reading books, articles, and speeches. over the past couple of years, i have read quite a bit concerning social issues. i usually read about LGBTQ, black, and feminist issues. i read other things, but those seem to be the threads i find myself drawn to the most. they are contemporary and relevant. these issues fascinate me and also put me in uncomfortable positions often because i am a devout latter-day saint. there exists a spectrum for each of these topics and beliefs about what the issues really are and where people stand in relation to them, and there is a call for change within each of these groups.

often, i wonder, "how will the lord guide his church to meet all of the needs not currently being met?" that's the vague question, but i have split that up into many smaller questions over time, depending on the issue. that general question lingers in my head. i have found some answers, though i know the general answer is one that requires a lot of patience, humility, and work from church members and humanity at large. i trust the lord. i trust my church leaders because the lord has told me on several occasions that he has chosen them to guide me to more truth and understanding. there are times when that is really hard because i want change to happen sooner rather than later. true change takes time, however. 

in december, a statement was released on lds.org entitled "race and the priesthood." it is a comprehensive history of race relations and policies within the church, with special attention given to the restriction of black men from the priesthood for most of the time the lds church has existed. it is a good read. granted, most of the information was not new to me or many other black members that i know. however, it was new to a lot of people and led them to think twice about what it means to be a mormon. it is a hard issue. it is still hard for me if i think about it too much at one time. but it happened, and we must know that part of our history, even if it is hard to accept.

with my friends, the uchtdorfs.

on sunday, i reread this statement and examined it bit by bit. i was reminded of a talk given by president dieter f. uchtdorf, one of the general leaders of the lds church, in which he directly quotes dr. martin luther king's speech, "don't sleep through the revolution." president uchtdorf makes a play on words by asking the question, "are you sleeping through the restoration?" the restoration he speaks of is clearly the restoration of the gospel of jesus christ in all of its glory. he speaks of the restoration not as a one-time event but, rather, as a process -- an age, even -- that we are all living in. 

the desire to read "don't sleep through the revolution" had been growing from the time i read president uchtdorf's talk, so i got around to it on sunday. a couple of quotes stood out to me. 

one of the great misfortunes of history is that all too many individuals and institutions find themselves in a great period of change and yet fail to achieve the new attitudes and outlooks that the new situation demands.

social change requires a true change of heart. it seems that the true change happens with only a few in the beginning stages of the change, with others following only after legislation is enforced to promote this internal change. for some people, the internal change does not happen. regardless of feelings about the legislation itself, the fact is that when changes happen, our attitudes must change somehow in order to honor the law and become truer followers of christ. if the change requires that we love more and hate less, that is always a good thing. we are responsible to take the small steps necessary to be the instruments through which god manifests his love to his children. this leads me to the second quote that struck me.

we must all live together as brothers or we will all perish together as fools. this is a fact of life. no individual can live alone, no nation can live alone. . . all i'm saying is this: that all life is inter-related, and somehow we are all tied together. for some strange reason i can never be what i ought to be until you are what you ought to be, and you can never be what you ought to be until i am what i ought to be.  

this isn't news to me, but it was a reminder of my duties to my fellow man. i am going to school ultimately because i want to help others help themselves. while that is still a few months away, there are things i can do now to serve others. it is easy to complain about my job or other things that are inconvenient. i've been pretty good at that these days. i can change that. i can be more efficient with my time in order to have more time to serve. i can use the service opportunities i have now to advance the purposes of the lord. it may be inconvenient sometimes, but if the lord is saying there is a need for change, then i can give my time, resources, and talent to effect change. i am balancing this call to service with my current physical and emotional health, and i find that when i am needed to serve, i usually am available and am ready to give all i have in the moment. i can always give more because the lord gave it all when he atoned for my sins. i am trying to remember that when it feels like i have no more to give or when it's inconvenient. i can always give more, and i must give more because the lord has a way to get his work done. change happens if we let it! we work, we love, and then we work some more. that is infinitely better than remaining stagnant.