y'all.

have i mentioned that i'm really good at freaking myself out about things? and that i overcomplicate simple things? for real, i'm like SO good at it.

i am filled with a lot of emotions about the details of my life -- some feelings more overwhelming than others. i'm not brave enough to talk about it all on the blogosphere yet, but i'm pretty sure those closest to me know mais ou menos what i'm talking about.

mmm..."mais ou menos" means more or less in english.

i know how god wants me to feel about it, but i also know how past experience and common sense would tell me to feel. and then i know how i feel and am afraid of feeling and try not to feel and want to continue feeling. it's a toss-up of positive and negative emotions, and i make myself nervous about it.

i realize i have faith, but i need more of it. i need so. much. more. i need to trust what i've been told and what i feel and where the future leads because no matter what, i will win. 

that's the hard part for me to believe. it may not be how i think i'll win, but it'll be how god wants me to win, and, duh, with him, victory is always sweet.

so, here's believing and praying and positive energy-ing. wish me luck :)